Epic Wussyness

wuss(y) definition [ˈwʊs(i)] n. a wimp; a weak person. : Don’t be such a wuss
The Navy displayed epic wussyness by posting a statement on it’s Facebook page that basically apologizes to Iran for referring to the Persian Gulf as the Arabian Gulf after Iran dropped to the floor like a whiny child and threw a diplomatic hissy fit.
A little background: What is known to us in the U.S. and much of the rest of the world as the Persian Gulf is known as the Arabian Gulf by Arabs in the region.  I found this out first hand when I spent a year in Kuwait.
According to Fox News, “Iran’s government, representing the land formerly known as Persia, has scolded any country that even hints at using the new term, and this time was no different. In the wake of the Navy’s decision, Tehran reportedly has summoned the Swiss ambassador to lodge a protest against the United States — the Swiss represent U.S. interests in Iran, in the absence of U.S.-Iran diplomatic relations.”
Jamal Abdi, policy director of an Iranian-American advocacy group, said “This is an ethnically divisive term. … It’s very troubling.” So what does the Navy do?  They Abdi-cate to the Iranians!  Ethnically divisive? Really, Mr. Abdi? Against who? If we call it the Persian Gulf, wouldn’t that be ethnically divisive to Arabs? Hmm? 
The Navy rightly stated “The use of the term ‘Arabian Gulf’ vice Persian Gulf is used by naval forces including our regional partners there for years. We use this term in press releases, news stories, and photos coming from the Navy in the region.” Well that makes sense; we have our military operating out of several Arab nations around the Gulf. They call it the Arabian Gulf, so by extension we do, too.  It’s a good explanation – with little to no wuss content, and the Navy should have left it at that.  But someone, either in the Navy, the State Dept, or the White House decided this explanation was inadequate and needed to be wussed-up by adding the following: “(the Navy)  continues to respect the long and proud history of the Persian people and reassure Iranian readers that Navy officials haven’t done anything out of malice or disrespect for your proud heritage that has existed long before we were even a navy.”  This moved the needle on the Wussometer all the way to the right to 100.
Can they embarrass themselves any further? They may as well have castrated themselves and handed their boys to Iran on a silver platter.  “Here you go, we’re not using these anymore. You can have them.”  The only thing we ought to reassure the Iranians of is that we’ll bitch-slap them if they get out of line, and do so with malice.  That will move the Wussometer needle back to zero where it was most of the time when Reagan was president.  He didn’t care what Iran thought; instead he made Iran worry.
Since Iran has issues with “Arabian Gulf”, we should consider other names:
Dog Butt Gulf
Gulf of Pork
Jewish Gulf
Casper, the Friendly Gulf
Big, Blue, Wet Thing
Muhammed’s Bathtub
Ahmadinejad’s Grave
Gulf of Whatever the Hell We Want to Call It, Because We’re the United States Navy
What would you call it?


Filed under SMH

3 responses to “Epic Wussyness

  1. William Lovin

    The Gulf of Christ.

  2. Los Cazadores MC

    Towelhead graveyard.

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