Fountain Lady – Poster Child of Devolution

If humans evolved from lower life forms, doesn’t it stand to reason, then, that 1) we’re still evolving, and 2) evolving into ever higher life forms with more intelligence? I submit that the case of Cathy Cruz Merrero is a clear demonstration to the contrary, adding validity to the view that God created humans,  which means Adam & Eve were not stupid, but superb specimens both physically & mentally. But subsequent generations have been losing intelligence, not gaining. Rather than evolving, Cathy is evidence that we are devolving.

So who is Cathy Cruz Merrero, this latest poster-child of devolution?  Cathy became known last week as “The Fountain Lady” after a mall surveillance video surfaced on YouTube showing her falling into a fountain while walking & texting.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOBZmNVgOz0 

As if this alone wasn’t enough to make Darwin turn over in his grave, now Cathy hired a lawyer and is suing the Berkshire Mall in Wyomissing, Pa., which is also where Cathy happens to work.

So after watching the video, here’s what I see – and tell me if you see anything different. She’s walking and texting on her cell phone and not watching where she’s going, trips into a fountain, immediately gets up, steps out of the fountain, and walks away.  Now Cathy wants to sue the mall because she said “Nobody went to my aid”.  I give credit to George Stephanopoulos for doing his best not to laugh in Cathy’s face during the interview, but it appeared to be a losing battle, though he did better than I would have done.

A few observations:

1. There didn’t appear to be any security personnel, maintenance workers, or mall employees (except herself) in the immediate vicinity.

2. She fell in, got up, and walked out – the whole episode lasting no more than 6 seconds, max, then she walked away, leaving the scene. She didn’t wait around long enough for anyone to help her, and she obviously didn’t need any help – she helped herself. And since she’s a mall employee, then one might argue that she did indeed get help from the mall.

3. Now Cathy says she’s embarrassed because it’s all over the internet. (Isn’t this sad? Are your eyes starting to well up?) She wants an investigation into who at mall security is responsible for putting this on YouTube. Now, if you saw the video you’d see that there’s no way to tell who it was that fell in the fountain. The video is grainy and was taken from some distance away. No one would know except for Cathy stepping forward to say it was her.  Yeah, she’s so embarrassed that she goes on national tv to draw more attention and ridicule to herself.

4. She was in a public place – there is NO reasonable expectation of privacy, especially when you’re being stupid in public.  If you want the hide the fact that you’re a moron and keep it private, then I recommend staying at home – don’t leave the house.  Who comes to this idiot’s aid when she does something stupid while she’s home alone?  Maybe she shouldn’t be left unsupervised.  I think Cathy needs to be sued for contaminating a fountain with stupid. She should compensate the mall for the man-hours it takes to clean up all that stupid.

Listening to this traitor to Darwinian theory talk is like listening to fingernails on a chalkboard. Her whiney, nasally voice is so annoying that it would provoke even Mother Teresa to kick Cathy in the face, and then shove her head in the fountain and hold it there.

She tripped because her dumb ass wasn’t paying attention, and now someone else is supposed to give her money?  Right on, Cathy; this is America, dammit,  and someone else should have to reward us for our stupidity!

I’m sure I speak for the majority when I say “Too bad it was only a water fountain”.  Natural selection would have been better served if, instead of a fountain, she walked….

-between two sumo wrestlers

-onto a football field as both teams are furiously trying to recover a fumble.

-into the grizzly bear domicile at the zoo.

-into a bank robbery in progress.

-into an Al Qaeda training camp.

-onto a bobsled track

-an empty elevator shaft.

-into a minefield.

-in front of a bus

-through an artillery practice range

-over the rim of the Grand Canyon

-into a wood chipper

So natural selection has failed to cull this idiot from the gene pool. Hopefully she hasn’t reproduced and never will.  Do you fear as I do that she possesses a drivers license? Equally disturbing is the thought that this person votes, but it appears she’s too self-absorbed to do so.

Maybe Berkshire Mall needs to have a lifegaurd on duty in case this twit accidently plunges a second time into the fountainy depths. Hopefully her thrashing about and desperate cries for help won’t go unnoticed by a texting lifegaurd who’s ipod is cranked up. Assistance can be rendered by tossing her a donut-floaty. But it’s probably cheaper to just have her wear water-wings while she texts.

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1 Comment

Filed under SMH

One response to “Fountain Lady – Poster Child of Devolution

  1. Trace

    I can honestly say, something even more hilarious than someone falling came out of “fountain lady”. I found this blog. I have laughed myself silly reading these posts. Thank you.

    All of your suggestions are spot on. The only one I might add is if the fountain were full of alligators in the first place, we wouldn’t have to deal with this idiot. I’m sure you’ve figured out her reason for “falling” in the fountain. Bet she wants a time machine now!

    Awesome blog though. Definitely one I will follow.

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